After almost six years away from blogging, I’m taking it up again, but in a completely different direction and for a totally different reason.
For five and a half years I had a craft blog called Ink Up. It’s still out there, if you are interested, but it hasn’t been maintained. Some of the links may not function, but you can still see my creations there. I used that blog as a way to share my passions–mostly papercrafting, specifically cardmaking and bookbinding. Like every hobby, participants are at all levels of expertise. I was by no means one of the rock stars of the craft, however, I was, and still am, really proud of the artwork I produced. But it wasn’t always quick, easy…or clean work. It often took 8 hours or more, and this kind of chaos:
Chaos on the Craft Table
To produce something truly unique and beautiful, like this:
Gardening Tools in Pencil
But, like I said, this blog is different. My passion has changed. There is, however, a point of convergence.
Almost six years ago I began a journey that simultaneously wrecked and restored my life. It took me through pitch-black days and nights where I literally wanted to die. But instead of dying, I suffered. Minute after miserable minute. Two years of unrelenting physical pain. My entire life was in chaos, and I saw no way out.
Rheumatoid arthritis had come out of nowhere. Like a stealth ninja, my own body attacked me from every angle, with all the physical force of a relentless sledgehammer. To say I was angry is an understatement. Crying. Screaming. Cussing. Blaming. Denying. Wallowing. Hurting. I had very brief moments of respite, but they were just enough to give me the false hope that I was physically recovering. Then, that horrific pain would resume and my mental state would deteriorate right along with my body, and God was the primary target for my rage. This was obviously His fault.
Among other things, I think of God as a maker—the Ultimate Maker. I don’t know that He has a craft table where He does all His work, but if He does, I am sure that I was on it for many years. Not just those two years I’ve been talking about, but for most of my life. I couldn’t see beyond the chaos and confusion on the table, but God had a vision for me, and He kept crafting away until that vision was complete. Every trial, every setback, every success, everything I have ever experienced was necessary for me to become the person that God envisioned. And, it was only when He was completely satisfied in His creation that He revealed Himself to me, allowing me to truly know Him and to have a better, though not perfect, understanding of my unique purpose and place in His Beautiful Plan. And, that is what led to this blog, which I hope will encourage and enlighten others to seek, trust, and obey God, regardless of the circumstances in which you find yourself.
As angry as I was in the midst of my suffering, I’m not sorry for what I went through. I eventually gave up to self-pity, which did nothing for me. But when I finally gave in to God, that one moment of surrender changed the rest of my life. Now I’m grateful for having gone through that pain. Without it, I didn’t have the time or the inclination to even think about, much less follow, God.
As the Creator, He knew what He was doing from the very beginning. As the creation, I didn’t need to know anything. I just needed to trust the Maker.
Because sometimes chaos is necessary to create something beautiful.
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